Time and tides ebb and flow and move us on...inevitably and inexorably...I am conscious of time passing, the clock ticking down to D Day moment by moment. I am at the same time consumed both by what if, what if.. and how will I get through it...I am frozen in some sort of unnameable terror and at the same time repeating madly positive mantras as if I can force things, force events, to turn out positive by just doing that. Always at the back of it is this mad hope, mad dream, that life can be different; that dreams can come true in spite of all the evidence to the contrary. Now I am beginning to wonder if this makes me a fantasist, a dreamer, an "unrealistic" person. In the words of the Beatles, all you need is love. Well, no, you need oxygen, food, shelter to survive. What you need to thrive is love.
Parental love. Sibling love. The love of friends.Romantic love (if you get really, really lucky). Love. That's what matters. That's what gets you through. I have family. I have friends. I am loved. But somehow it doesn't make up for the lack of romantic love. Somehow it doesn't. Maybe some time in the future it will.
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