Laughter and Fears

Laughter and Fears

Well, I did it. I stood up in front of about 100 people and did my thing.

I put my name down for the open mic night in the city centre, re-wrote my piece 30 times, learned it off by heart, rehearsed to make it look spontaneous, re-wrote, panicked, re-wrote, rehearsed in front of the bedroom mirror with props and clothes, freaked out, and practised having A POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE and CONSIDERING THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN. Considered withdrawing my name, then decided to go for it. If I fall flat on my face, and I will – apart from anything else I haven’t a big chest to stop my nose hitting the floor -then at least I can say I tried. Strike it off the list. 

Some family and friends came. We sat at little tables in candlelight. Have a glass of wine to steady your nerves, some said - more likely to unsteady my feet and make me forget my lines. I asked the MC to put me on early, to get the agony over with.  I was the last “act” before the interval. When he announced me, and said “Now we’ll have some comedy from - “ a huge weight of expectation fell on me.  I stood in front of the mike and began, hoping neither my voice nor my hands nor my knees would shake. Started talking, addressing the front row of little candlelit tables. There was laughter. There was laughter! When I finished, there was lots of applause and cheering, not all of it from my supporters.

Afterwards I was buzzing. High on adrenaline. High on applause.  Delighted and so grateful for the support from my family and friends.  People I didn’t know stopped me on the stairway and in the Ladies room and said kind words to me.

When I got home, the Prince of Darkness was still up, sitting at his PC. How did you get on, he said. So I told him; the MC said I got the biggest cheer of the night. “That’s only because you had rent-a-crowd with you”, he said. My bubble deflated…

The following day, a man I knew to be a part-time actor and director called me. He had slipped in to the Open Mike night unseen and sat behind the sound engineers. He had heard them discussing the acts; apparently I had been their favourite. As for his opinion; your material was brilliant, he said, but your performance was a little bit (a little bit!) nervous. I can help you with that.  If you can write about an hour or an hour and a half of material, why not put on a one woman show in one of the small pub theatres?

I forbore to tell him that present times being what they are, I spend more time crying than I do laughing. But I was thrilled, thrilled, thrilled by his words. Once again, I was as high as a kite and felt good about myself.  I couldn’t wait to tell my friends in the Writing Group. I knew they’d be thrilled for me as well.

I’d done it. I’d taken the leap, taken the chance and it had succeeded beyond my wildest dreams.  Plus I’d put another brick in the wall of self-esteem. Result! Maybe the books were having an effect after all…