Age and Algorithms...

Week 8

Straight talkin’ Saturday

Early for the creative writing class, I was sitting peaceably in Reception when a new member of the class came in and sat beside me.  She loved writing, she said, and wanted to write a book.  She was a widow. What was the story with me? Going through a divorce, I said. Why was I in the class? Don’t know if the writing is creative or therapy. Probably both. Would I have a coffee after the class with her? Oh certainly, I’d love to.

Coffee time. Or rather coffee-and-interrogation-time. Where was I from? Where did I live? What did I work at? What was the story about the divorce? What age was I? (Two year older than her it seems).

She then very kindly told me what I needed to do. She was widowed two months, was understandably very lonely (wear that t-shirt myself) and wanted to find a new partner. There were very specific requirements attached to her search. Monetary and property specifications. Nothing about love, affection…? She was using online dating and had been out with several men. One had rocked up in a 2012 reg. Mercedes and had an apartment in an upmarket area…Why didn’t I do that? Well I’m not divorced yet, I said, I don’t know ….and I don’t care what men earn or have, what about love, affec-

At your age, she said (!) you’d better get a move on… Men always go for younger women. And the older they get, the younger the women they go for. I know an eighteen year old girl who has just had a baby for an eighty year old man.

 I think to myself; that’s not a May-December romance, that’s December and pre-foetal!  I do a quick calculation based on her 18-80 premise. If what she said holds true, I should be inundated with 167 year old men any day now. If I was feeling down before I met her, I’m probably clinically depressed now.

 The vista of hordes of 167 year old men trying to break my front door down with their Zimmer frames whilst crazed with lust very nearly unhinges me… 57 would be better. Yes. Prince Charming’s older brother would be fine.

I say goodbye and go home... A new relationship? Em...I have stuff to go through first. This is my gut feeling. The right man will come at the right time. Or maybe several of them. But… putting yourself on Internet dating sites? They could be full of axe murderers... My very private self baulks at this. Later that night I receive an email from my new friend. It’s a list of online dating sites, with ratings; e.g.

XXX.com – You have to pay, but good.

YYY.com – Free. Lots of men.

ZZZ.com-    For widowed people only – you can always say you’re widowed.

???  
Or to put it another way;   %$!>*&!!!